I entered the school gates. It was 10.45 am in the morning when I left home.
The big clock with a white round dial, black needles showed me five more minutes have passed.
I paced my steps, gazing around, wondering at the quietness of the day. No one was around who could I see. I walked some more, a security guard in uniform was sitting on a blue plastic chair few steps away.
“So many kids are here including Aanchal still it feels like no one is here. So quiet it is. ” I thought.
The voice of silence was hovering all around.
I could hear my footsteps.
I walked to the security guard, he was yawning; he could hardly open his eyes.
I asked him, ” Can you give this lunchbox to Aanchal Mehra of class 5 A.”
He nodded, yawning once more.
“They have lunchtime in five minutes. Could you or not?”
He nodded again in the laziest way something can move.
This time his nod was far less conceiving than the previous one.
I decided to go by myself.
He told me the classroom is on the first floor and sat yawning on the blue chair.
I walked to the first floor, searching for directions as fast as I could, looking at my watch which showed only ten minutes are left for the lunch break.
I walked, classrooms were full of children.
I peeped into one of the classroom, thinking it is my daughter’s. A man with black square glasses was teaching them, I looked through the door and every student in the class started looking at me, outside the door, I realised it was “4 A”, not “5 A”.
I walked hurriedly, I wanted to reach to my daughter before lunchtime.
“Excuse me.” A voice stopped me; it twirled the hairs of my neck and a chill crawled through me.
I turned to the voice I heard.
My feets stopped moving hastening my breaths.
It felt like a lump in my throat; I will stop breathing,
My eyes settled on his and my words were falling.
His stare was asking the same question as me, ” Is this you? After so long.”
He didn’t speak a word but his lips curved a bit looking at the tiffin box in my hands.
“Did you bring that for me?” he asked gently.
The smile he wore, took me in many years before, when he used to eat all my lunch teasingly said,” you are a sweetheart you bring me food.” I would angrily stared but none of it could make makes a difference.
“No” it is for my daughter, Aanchal.
“Oh, daughter.”
His eyes stared at my face thoroughly looking for the traces of the “new me”.
The red bindi on my forehead, the shiny bangles in my hands and the Mangalsutra on my neck.
His eyes shined for a few moments like he knew I will look like this one day, he looked happy for me.
I looked carefully at him. His glasses looked the same, beard keeps covering his dimply cheeks from many years it looked such. The eyes behind the fat glasses looked quite and motionless as if they do not speak anymore.
His hairs gone dusk seemed more a mess. Few were black and more were greys.
Combination of shirt and pants he wore was weird as it was always. His appearance shouted he is alone, far away from the presence of any girl in his life.
I felt relieved, knowing no one lives there, where I lived once. In a few moments, a wave of consciousness slapped me hard “Is all my fault- the way he looks now.”
This man who messed his life refused to change with years” my spirit asked.
I asked, “why you didn’t marry?”
He remained silent – his eyes empty.
None of them spoke like they used to.
“Aanchal, 5th standard?” He asked.
“Yes,” I replied.
The stillness between us was screaming loud- the music of the past held our hands, we were looking for signs into each other eyes. The school bell rang loud and pulled us back in the tunes of today.
The bell was ringing loud. It sounded like it was buzzing in our minds. Buzzing and buzzing… until I tried to fill th at silence with my broken words, “I don’t know where her class is?”
“That door.” he pointed.
We walked together; our paces matched, after a long long time. My fingers sweated carrying the lunch box.
I felt dizzy. All I could think,” am I the reason?”
I took a deep sigh, all my courage was falling short to ask him.
“This is Aanchal classroom.” He said.
I went inside gave her lunch box. She was so happy to see me, I kissed her on cheeks. She giggled.
He was standing outside looking at us.
And in the blink of an eye, again, he disappeared.
I ran out looking for him.
He was still there, near the gate.
I looked at his face and he peeped into mine.
We had no words to exchange; all I wanted to know if the reason is still me?
I collected all the words I could found, “Am I the reason you didn’t marry.?”
He stared at me with empty eyes.
I wanted to explore that emptiness and hear those silence word but he took his glance away.
My phone rang in between a name flashed on the screen “Love” it read. He looked at me one more time grinned for the last time.
Turned back, walked and walked, and walked till he disappeared in crowd of little beings who were giggling, eating, and playing.
The quietness few minutes around was gone; the only place it still lived was inside him and now in me too.
He did not turn back to look at me again. I was alone standing will he look back?
Many years had gone when he asked me a question – I gave him silence instead of answer, and what I gave him, he still is holding that.
Many years after, I asked him a question and he gave that silence back instead of an answer.
That silence, I gifted him years back was cruel; now, I know- it is heavy”Silences are always unbearable.”
